On Forgiving Myself

5:21 AM


This was the birthday cake given to me by my sister, Jaja few days ago. And if you are wondering, my nephews and nieces call me *Mama Ninang*.

Coming home from my birthday off few days ago, I noticed that my hormones went 'wild'. The unusual irritability even on the smallest thing was very obvious. I remembered coming home from a short trip on my birthday and slept as soon as I got home. When I woke up, I was still feeling bad inside. I suspected I hated the fact that I turned a year older.

The patience I had saved for many years disappeared. I was completely pissed at myself for being pissed.  While I acknowledged this feeling, I felt helpless. So I talked to my cat. The cat hinted it was hormonal (I had my period during that time). So I agreed.  For a while.

The saga went on for two more days. And I felt really helpless and hated my attitude. What happened to the once patient and kind girl that I knew existed inside me? It was futile to ask myself over and over again without getting straight answers. And so I started praying from the bottom of my heart. The core of my being is slowly being taken away from me and I must do something to get my old self back.

My life’s plate is full but it is beautiful. It is stressful, yes. But I had a good balance of good and bad. The things may not fall into places all the time, but I take pride on how I am able to bounce back every time things go otherwise.

 Have you ever felt this way too? You get stuck in routines and you get numb altogether. Then you lose sight of what was once important. But not for long. You immediately remember why you are doing the things you do everyday. Then you become alive again. Armed with the new realization, you aim to be the better person than yesterday.

If you are reading this, my hope is that you will eventually forgive yourself for losing sight of what’s important even for a short time. Time is never wasted when you learn something out of it. These steps may help you a bit:

Reflect.

Forgive yourself.

Move on.


And if symptoms persist, repeat.


Love,


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